So I’ve had a few ladies ask me to write about my birth experience, so here we go….
Its 6:30am Saturday 3rd February I’m 38 weeks and 1 day pregnant and I’m getting my clothes ready to go and train at the 7am CrossFit class. I all of a sudden feel ‘something’ leak out of me (down there) and I had the quickest thought to myself….. that wasn’t pee….. I carry on regardless cause in my mind I’m thinking we’ve got to make the class and can’t be late. (Burpee penalties if you’re late and there’s no way I was getting my body up and down off the ground)
I go to the toilet to see if I need to pee. I don’t, but again the same thing happened. At this point my gut feeling is ‘holy shit my waters have broke.’ I definitely knew but I didn’t let myself get caught up in it cause who knows it might not be either.
I go out to John and say “babe, don’t get too carried away but there’s something like pee that’s just come out of me but its not pee I actually think my waters have broke”
John – “YES, really??? YES we’re having our baby!!!! Call the midwife now!”
So John is super happy and excited! I’m feeling happy, confused, scared, not ready, holy shit, what do I do now, do I stay home, do I go and train and just ‘see’ what happens……. I had a million thoughts go through my mind.
By this time it’s now 6:50am and we’re asking each other what do we do. So we thought stuff it lets still go to the gym, I’ll call my midwife when I get there, we’ll train and we’ll just go from there.
We get to the gym, John is so friggin happy and thinks he should tell the world he says to our friends “we have movement at the station” or something like that….. or “our waters broke” can’t remember what exactly it was but he pretty much yelled it as he got out of the car……. I looked at him with a look of ‘can you not say anything…..’ I just didn’t want anyone to know cause at that point it literally only just happened so I’m still processing it. I don’t know exactly if that’s what’s happening, I really just wanted to be in my own ‘head space’ about it. Anyway everyone was super supportive and ready to help out with anything we needed which was nice.
John does the class and I decide to sit on the air bike and just ‘move’ until I speak with my midwife and get guidance on what I should do. I call the hospital as I couldn’t reach my midwife. The lady at the hospital advises me to go home straight away, put a pad on so they can track how much fluid I’m losing and she’ll contact my midwife and get her to cal me.
I take on her advice I tell John I’ve got to go so I take his car and drive home, he stays at the gym to finish the class and we said we’ll regroup when he gets home.
My midwife called me, this is about 8am and she said the same thing as I was first advised and she said “I can meet you at the hospital at 10am.” So we lock that time in. John gets home after training, I’m lying on the lounge literally going through every possible scenario in my head….. ‘fuck its happening, fuck I’m going to experience so much pain today, what is it if its actually not my waters thats broken….. so many thoughts.
Those coupe hours passed and we’re now at the hospital speaking to my midwife. She asks a few questions-
How much fluid do you think you’ve lost?
Was it a gush or just a little bit?
She then checks my pad and sees there’s quite a bit of fluid lost, which is a tell tail sign. She then does an internal check and says “yep you’re waters have definitely broken” my reaction in my head was ‘holy fuck this is actually happening’ mind you John is standing there in the back with the biggest smile on his face saying “I told you! I told you she was coming this weekend” (he actually bet that she was going to be born on Sunday 4th Feb – he was definitely very very close)…. My midwife asked me how I feel about it and I started crying… I was nervous, scared of the unknown…. it was an overwhelming moment.
My midwife said “she’s definitely coming this weekend, if she’s not here by Tuesday then we’ll induce you, we don’t know how long this process will take it could be today, tomorrow (Sunday), Monday, we don’t know” I just know that she didn’t think we’d be back that afternoon cause at this point I wasn’t dilated at all.
I was advised to go home, relax, lie down in bed, create a peaceful environment, listen to music, let my body wind down. Create a space that when the contractions do start to happen I can allow them to happen and not fight it.
We take on her advice. I get home, lay in bed, relax do whatever I need to do to relax. At this point we didn’t have anything set up in the baby room. No cot, no change table, nothing. We were actually planning to do it that weekend…. well we had to anyway.
John had to go out and get a few things from the shops, I stayed at home relaxing, I called my sister and spoke to her about it and as I’m speaking to my sister this is when my contractions started to increase. Prior to this I was feeling a few cramps but it wasn’t painful or intense. My sister is timing them for me and getting me to breathe through the contractions. It’s about 1pm when this is happening.
I finish up the phone call cause I was just feeling like I wanted to be in my own space as I knew it was all about to happen and increase. I then hear the door bell ring, it’s my friend who came round to check up on me. The contractions have definitely increased by this time and increasing even more while he’s there and the pain is probably hitting a 6 out of 10.
John arrives home, it’s now about 2pm. We all discuss if I should head back to the hospital or not. It’s something you’re really unsure about cause you just don’t know when the time is when you should just ‘call it’. I checked in with my midwife and she advised to stay home, keep timing the contractions, stay relaxed… so that’s what I do.
I make my way back to the bedroom, lay down and ‘try’ to relax…. Not much relaxing is going on at this point it’s now starting to get out of control. John is starting to set up the other room and I’m now crawling around on the bedroom floor saying “holy fuck this pain…. this is insane, this is out of control, wow, fuck this hurts” that’s pretty much what I said everytime a contraction came on. I’d sometimes yell out to John and say “babes I need you this fucking hurts, fuck fuck fuck it hurts!!!!”
This goes on for about another hour, so it’s about 3pm now I’m still crawling around on the bedroom floor I then crawl to the bathroom cause now I feel like I’m going to be sick. I make it just in time, I spew over the toilet and now I’m thinking – ‘yeah this is fucked, it’s definitely happening, when the fuck do I go to the hospital?”
I’m still timing contractions, we’re now at 90 seconds apart and now lasting 1-2 minutes. My comment would be “omg, holy fuck, this is happening again. Babe another contraction, faaarrrrrrrkkk”
Mind you while this is all happening John got the go pro out and has recorded the whole thing (I haven’t watched it yet, bit scared to lol). While enduring all this pain I’m also thinking ‘what the fuck is the gopro doing in front of my face’. I couldn’t even deal with that in that moment!!
I message my midwife just after 3pm and tell her how far apart the contractions are, how much pain I’m in, I’ve spewed, when should I go to the hospital?’ I didn’t hear back from her straight away so I’ve said to John “When do we call it? When should I go to the hospital, my pain is now 8 out of 10, I don’t know how much longer I can just stay at home doing this…..”
We decide to go to the hospital, my midwife calls as we’re on our way there at this point I can barely talk. I get John to speak to her for me as I’m like gasping for air, I’m uncomfortable cause my stomach feels squashed all sorts was going on. She said she advised me to stay home but she’ll meet me at the hospital in 20 minutes cause I sound distressed……. (Ha, distressed!!!! I was thinking………seriously!!!)
We make it to the hospital just in time, I make it to the toilet I spew and now I have diarrhoea as well…… Everything is coming out of me from everywhere. My body is preparing and getting rid of everything inside me. In my mind I made it to the hospital at the right time if we stayed home just 10 minutes longer I would’ve decided to have the baby at home. There’s no way I was getting in the car, can barely walk, spewing and shitting at the same time….. seriously!!! I would not be making it to the hospital at all!
My midwife gets there and she does an internal check and I’m 5-6cm dilated- which happened quickly considering I was 0cm that morning at 11am. She then says “yep this is it you’re definitely in labour, it’s just all happened really fast for you”
So now it’s just the waiting game. It’s now about 4:30/5pm. My midwife is guiding me breathe through the contractions, help me find positions that are ‘comfortable’, and making sure I’m drinking water.
I was getting hot flushes so I pretty much stripped down and took all clothes off cause I was feeling hot and restricted. I’d pace up and down the hospital room, breathing, swearing, stretching, crying… running to the toilet…… this all happened for quite a few hours..
The best thing that gave me relief was a warm shower. I’d stand and lay over a fit ball and John held the water over my lower back. It actually was the best feeling, I think I’d stand in the shower for 30-40 minutes….
I never wanted to look at the clock, I didn’t want to know the time. It messed with me cause all I could think was ‘far out it’s only 6pm this could seriously go on for hours…’
I continue to pace up and down the room, sit on the edge of the bed and rock (I don’t know why but as soon as I stopped moving I felt really uncomfortable), spew, shower, swear really bad every time a contraction came on.
I noticed my midwife was writing everything down. Every movement I made, everything I said, everything I did, everything John did… She was noting everything.
John was so supportive! Although theres really ‘not too much’ he could actually do to take the pain away having him there by my side meant the world to me. He’d pace up and down the room with me, breathe with me, pour the water over my back, want to hold me but I’d push him away cause I was so uncomfortable and couldn’t really bare anything touching my body…. I didn’t need him to say much I just needed him physically there.
It’s now about 7:30pm and neither of us have eaten much for the day. John organised a friend to bring him food to the hospital. Keep in mind, John trained earlier that morning, then ran around all day getting stuff for the baby room, then has been with me since. He never ate either. (He was hitting hangry stage I think- but hey I’m the one in labour hahaha) I couldn’t eat, wasn’t hungry and knew that anything I ate would only come back up so all I had was water to keep my fluids up as I was losing everything out of me. Our friend got to the hospital to drop off food for John. John said he’d be back in 2 minutes. It was like the longest 2 minutes of my life. I didn’t want him to leave me, even though he could only do so much it was more a security thing, knowing he was there with me through everything made me feel safe. He was literally 2 minutes, he ran downstairs, grabbed the food and the rest of our stuff out of the car and ran back up to our room.
Seconds, minutes and hours are ticking by. I’ve been in excruciating pain now for like 5 hours!! Seriously when is this going to end! It was always my plan to go natural, meaning no drugs to get me through labour – unless there were major complications and I ‘really’ needed to. I did think earlier ‘if I were to get an epidural right now will this take away the pain or is it too late’. I asked my midwife is this how painful its going to get. Does it get worse, the pain I’m experiencing right now is that it? She said “yes, this is labour, your contractions are very regular, it’s happening. The birthing part is a different pain but I can’t really explain it as it’s different for everyone.” I thought OK cool, I know that this is as bad as it gets, I’ve handled this pain for 4+ hours already why would I opt for an epidural now, surely I’ll make it to the birth…. Not having a clue how long that was going to take.
As I’m pacing up and down the room I’m noticing my walk and posture is starting to change. I’m starting to hunch over a lot more, my hips are getting tight and the pain in my lower back is increasing every contraction. I’m still swearing “fuck, fuck, fuck, omg, is this serious, holy fuck you’ve got to be kidding me, fuck me fucking dead, fuck it hurts, holy fucking shit, stop, stop, stop, babe this pain is fucked, breathe, breathe, breathe, mother fucker would this fucking be over already…..” Hahaha seriously every swear word in every context possible was coming out of my mouth!!
Fast track a few hours it’s a bit 9:30ish. My midwife asks if I’ve felt any pressure ‘down there’ and felt like I need to push. I said ‘yes, I have felt I need to push but not like I really need to’ (if that makes sense haha). There were definitely times where there was a different pain when a contraction came on. It was like it went way past 10 out of 10 pain!!!!!
She said “ok in between your next contractions we’ll do an internal check again and see how far along you are”
Me- “No worries”
Mind you, contractions are happening like every minute so to actually check we had to be quick and it meant I had to lay down on my back and stop moving which was the most uncomfortable position for me. Anyway my midwife checked to see here things are at and this was the changing moment –
“Darcia you’re amazing, your babies head is like right there, you need to start pushing now. We need to get your baby out now”
Fuck, thank fuck I thought! For me I felt like now I have a goal. I’ve got a target, I’ve got something to do. I now didn’t have to sit here (or walk) and go through the pain of another contraction. Yes it was still going to be painful but pushing with the contraction was better for me (better for my mind) to deal with. And all I could think about was everything was going to be over soon. I was also nervous of it happening, unknown territory again, holy shit my baby is going to be here soon… all sorts of thoughts.
Midwife gets everything she needs. She guides me to get into a position to start pushing. She started me on my knees. John was sitting on the edge of the bed and I was kneeling into him…… Pushing was fucking hard!!!! When I thought I was giving it every bit of energy I had…. I wasn’t, she’s like, yep this is good but it needs to be more…. a lot more…. I’m thinking wow ok, I’m so exhausted but I must be able to do this.
It is literally every ounce of energy you’ve got, every grunt or groan you need to make… it happens… I could see my babies head like just there which made me realise even more that it’ll be over soon. Every contraction there was about 3-5 pushes each time. It was fucking hard work!
John is like cheering me on “come on babes, she’s just there, her head is just there, you’re doing so well” LOL yeah thanks babes!!!! Another thing he said that in the moment that I really didn’t take in – “she’s got hair like me babes” LOL I am not thinking about what hairs she’s got, I’m thinking about getting this bloody baby out!!
Fast track to 11:10pm which is when my baby girl is born. I’m in shock, I’m shaking, I’m feeling my stomach – holy shit theres no baby in there now… I’m still leaning over the bed thinking what the fuck just happened!!! My midwife says “Darcia it’s time to pick up your baby” I was still shocked, our baby girl starts crying (screaming the room down). I pick her up. I’m in a whole other world..
I lay back with my baby laying on my chest soaking up these very precious seconds of her new life. John is right beside me, we’re both just staring at this very new little human that’s just been born. It truly is the most beautiful moment!
My midwife leaves us on our own for a moment while we share this time together with just the three of us. I was truly living in the present moment having this experience. I couldn’t believe that here we are- 9 months has passed and we’re now holding our baby in our arms. Holy crap this is life now!!
My midwife comes back and she gets everything ready to cut the umbilical cord. John cut the cord, it was a beautiful moment for me to watch. I know how special it was for the both of us for that to happen.
After the cord cutting it’s time for the first feed. It’s amazing that babies just know where to go and what to do for their first feed. I still didn’t really know what was going on, I was lead by my midwife. Baby latched fine, I would just stare down at her while she’s feeding and just think OMG this is really happening, in total awe of watching her. The body is only producing colostrum for the first feed and for a few days after that and then the milk comes in two-four days after. She then got weighed, she weighed 7 pound (3.something kg) and was 47cm long. She got all the check ups she needed and was very healthy.
After all that it was time to get stitched up. I had a grade two tear. Nothing too extreme which was really good. While I was with my midwife John was with our baby, cuddling her in his arms, they both fell asleep together. It really hit me deep in the heart when I saw John laying there with our baby in his arms! For me personally, this whole experience has been a dream come true. To go through hardship and adversity as a child and to come out the other end and overcome life’s challenges where you’re ‘suppose’ to ‘fail’ and repeat a cycle I knew in this moment I have achieved something that I never thought was possible at one stage in my life – I felt a huge sense of relief, love and peace. A feeling of “I’ve broken the cycle, we did it, this is my purpose, this baby girl doesn’t even know the amount of love she’s going to receive” my heart was full and content.
It was now time to rest and just lay there holding our baby girl as a family. I couldn’t sleep at all. I’d try but my mind couldn’t switch off. I replayed the whole birth in my head, I couldn’t believe what just happened, I’d feel my stomach – it’s all jellylike and squishy. I’d just stare at my baby girl as I held her, John is exhausted and sound asleep!!
We got the all clear to come home! Baby was healthy, I was in good health, there were no concerns from my midwife so you get sent home. We were at home the next day by 7am. It’s a scary thought at first. You think OK so what do I do now? What if this happens….? What if that happens…..? Being at the hospital you feel very safe as you can ask any questions at any time, being at home so many thoughts and questions go though your mind and you feel ‘alone’ in a sense. Although, it was better going home and being in my own space then possibly sharing a room with other mothers and their babies as you’re not guaranteed your own private room. My midwives visited me for 4 weeks at home after the birth to check in and help out in any way that I needed.
Anyway we wrap our baby, I have a shower to feel somewhat cleaned and fresh again, we pack our bags and walk out of the hospital with our baby girl!! This is now life I’m thinking! We put her in the car, I of course sit in the back with her and we drive home, the three of us….
That is my birth story, I will do a follow up story on what happens when I returned home…..